Comparison is a . . . THIEF

Welcome back, family! Let’s jump into it, shall we?

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This post makes me weepy because it took a while before I stopped comparing myself to others around me and fell in love with who I am and who I am becoming. 

These are some of the things I used to think and say to myself growing up: 

• “I really like her hair, and mine is too nappy. Why couldn’t I have hair like that?”

• “That outfit is really cute. What if I got the same outfit? Would I be able to pull it off like they did?”

• “I don’t really like the shape of my nose. Maybe if it was the same shape as theirs, I would feel better about myself.”

• “Lord, I feel like I am doing everything right, yet it feels like everyone is dating or getting married. Am I doing something wrong?”

Comparison is defined as: “a consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.” At the time, I didn’t know it, but I had fallen into a state of comparison. Looking back now, I can see that I was, for better lack of words, ungrateful. I was always nitpicking at anything and never satisfied. Even if there wasn’t something wrong, I found something to complain about. It was unhealthy, and I didn’t know what to do about it. Who am I, the creation, to tell the Creator (Elohim) that the way He created me was wrong? Thank God for not giving up on me in the state of being ungrateful. 

There were times when I didn’t feel loved, although I was constantly reminded by those around me. Why? Because I was stuck in a mindset that I had to look and/or talk a certain way to be loved. The constant comparison caused me to walk in what felt like darkness. I constantly doubted myself to the point where my self-esteem, self-confidence, and the love I had for myself dwindled so much that they were almost nonexistent. It was then that I realized that comparison is a thief. It suffocated me until I stood in the mirror looking at my reflection, and the person that was looking back at me was unrecognizable. 

I can remember a time when I was in school comparing how beautiful someone else was then looking at myself and not feeling the same. I went home battling negative thoughts such as, “why can’t my skin color be different? My smile is crooked.” One thought that I really battled with is the size of my nose. These thoughts would go through my mind, making me feel less and less confident about who I was. It was an internal battle of comparison that left me exhausted and weighed down.

Through this journey, I’ve learned to combat these negative thoughts and replace them with truths about my worth and identity in Christ. 

Psalm 139:13-14 ( AMP) says: 

 “For You formed my innermost parts; You knit me [together] in my mother’s womb. I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.”

It took a while, but I decided that I no longer wanted to walk in the shadow of comparison. I wanted to love myself the way God does. As I am writing this, I am reminded of how intentional God is. Like the scripture mentioned above, God put me together while I was in my mother’s womb, putting everything carefully into place. He took time out to create me with so much precision and love. For that, I am grateful!

Ever since I’ve stopped comparing myself to others around me, I can see how much my self-esteem, self-confidence, and the love I have for myself have grown over time, and I am so proud of myself. 

I want to encourage you not to compare yourself. God created you just the way He did for a reason!

This process may look different for you, and that is okay! Below are some things I did that helped me. 

Vulnerability: Although the Lord knows everything. I learned to be open and honest with Him about my struggles. It helped me feel closer to Him.

Journaling: Writing down my thoughts and feelings helped me to process them in a healthy way instead of keeping them bottled up inside. It was a way to pour out my heart to God without feeling judged.

Daily affirmations: I’ll never forget, in one of my therapy sessions, my therapist told me about the importance of affirming and encouraging yourself.  Ever since that day, I have made it a habit to affirm and encourage myself. It has helped me to see myself the way God does. Before you start your day, and even throughout it, take a moment to remind yourself of your worth and uniqueness.

Until next time,

Lalisha